Music

Seguro que te ha pasado alguna vez el tener una melodía en la cabeza, no el típico soniquete pegadizo que no te puedes quitar de encima, sino más bien una melodía que conoces y aparece sin más, en un momento puntual, sin saber muy bien por qué. Te ha pasado además que te pones a buscar esa canción y, aunque nunca le prestaste atención a la letra, ésta encaja con lo que te está pasando en ese momento, a ciencia cierta por lo menos por tu cabeza. Qué hay un instrumento, un ritmo, o un momento en esa melodía que encaja con lo que estás sintiendo. Quizás te tengas que parar y analizar por qué. Quizás te dé la impresión de que todo encaja como por arte de magia. Quizás ni si quiere te habías dado cuenta de que estabas rabioso, pero de repente te apetece escuchar "The beautiful people" the Marilyn Manson. O lo mismo ni habías notado que te sientes un poco solo, pero sólo quieres escuchar "Rape me" de Nirvana.

From scratch

For once, I'm not gonna plan.

I usually write in paper and after in the computer, just because I'm a hopeless romantic and I like to work hard (or double, or simply I'm still perfectionist for the sake of wasting my time). It's just natural and easily accessible. But whatever I have in paper is worthless, nobody can see it. My words don't reach anyone there... I don't think I really care, I do it for myself. Like a sort of therapy where you let it fly out and vomit your thoughts.

Relearning No

When you think is over it beats you up completely. Almost back on the floor again. 
It's like an animal which hides in the shadow and grows with your uncertainties.

A still bleeding wound.

Frozen tears.

One step closer and I'm about to break.

A feeling in the stomach that I didn´t have since months ago. An anxiety that becomes presents by making you to throw up.

Let it go physically.

Despojos

Quisiera besarte como no te ha besado nadie.

Alejarme de ti y el olor que desprendes,

de olor a carnicería, ahora a dentista.

¿O seré yo?

Atracción caníbal por tu cuello.

Quedarme dormida mientras me abrazas.

Después de veinte años.

Viviendo una vida que no me pertenece.

Dejándome llevar para luego fustigarme.

Sobria de alcohol evaporado.

Follies, the musical

Broadway 1971. We are witnesses of a reunion of old singers and dancers who perform Weismann's Follies before the venue get demolished. Follies is a musical with music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim and a book by James Goldman. Behind this National Theatre production is Dominic Cooke.

Manifiesto para autoprotegerse

• Nunca pondré en riesgo mi salud ni mis horas de sueño por nadie.
• No voy a perder el tiempo con nadie, ni voy a dar segundas oportunidades a alguien que no me aporta nada.
• No voy a cuidar de nadie, solo de mi misma, hasta que por lo menos la otra persona me demuestre que merece mi cariño, tiempo y atención.
• Voy a decir que no cuando considere que es justo, no me pienso callar.

The essence of me

My love, my love for cinema. I grew up watching classic movies, Black and white films, mostly from Hollywood, two per week, minimum, sometimes even five. I felt in love with the magic of the cinema. The music, the photography, the cameras, all the technique behind, the told histories, the scripts, the dialogues, every director and his peculiar perspective of filming the plot....but the most attractive bit, the actors and their work.

When a movie was good, I totally accepted the history I was watching, in the facts I was seeing. Beyond believing in the actors and their interpretation, I felt like their characters. I was empathising so much that I was getting into the role.

I had dreams where I was a witness of that golden age in Hollywood. I prowl around the sets. I met Hitchcock. I observed Gene Kelly rehearsing a choreography before shooting. I saw how Katherine Hepburn was preparing herself for a role. I dreamt of meeting them all, of being one like them. Someone with the possibility of doing what they do and they do: suffer, love, hate....and convince to whoever is watching me that what is happening is real. To be able to provoke something in the spectator, to touch the audience the same way I felt.